see through the wreckage
Mood:  down
Now Playing: "Dressed For Friend Requests" by Drop Dead, Gorgeous
Topic: Song
i feel like leaving.
and going anywhere but here.
somewhere where i dont think of a thing.
somewhere where i have nothing to fear.
just to get away from this all
until it becomes part of the horizon.
i need to go, i need to leave.
i need a hole to hide my soul in.

Powered By A Lie- -she stared into space.
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: "deluge of failed attempts" by dear whoever
Topic: Poem
she sat there looking out her dirty window,
wondering why things had to be this way.
she asked the trees
&&annoyed the wind.
all she wanted was to feel okay.

for such a long time, relied on a lie,
promised herself that this was only temporary.
all she could do was wait,
all she wanted was forever,
for someone to assure her she's stronger that her adversary.

she found comfort in this lie, over and over.
she couldn`t get away from the repition.
it sang songs to her heart
but it tore her apart.
she continued anyway, oblivious to her submission.

her thoughts fell short of what she could say
all while lieing to everyone around her.
she wanted to stop.
she needed to quit.
she thought she had a plan, but wasn`t sure.

so she continued to stare blankly into space,
just waiting for an answer to addiction.
december passed by
january came and went.
she sat there unmoved, defeated by her competition.

The Secret To The Truth
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: "Black Dresses" by The Spill Canvas
Topic: Song
i`ve got a custom fit lie for this tongue
and it`s all mine...
it`s all mine.
i`ve caught you red-handed love,
give it back...
give it back.

we're just walking nowhere
on a path that never ends
we're working for nothing
but making amends.
i could lie and say
"i`m over you all the way"
so i`ll proceed...
i`ll proceed.
my secret is the truth.

for old time's sake, let`s hate eachother

i`ve got a noose all ready to go
&&it`s working...
it`s working.
my secret remains buried
in my veins...
in my veins.

[chorus...blahhh]

so cut if off, darling.
cut if off...
give me reason to confess
all i`ve been holding onto.
cut it off darling...
cut it OFF.
its choking me so tenderly
but tonight, tonight...
i`ll only wish for you&&me.

Director's Cut: Have I Told You Lately That I [hate] You.
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Sons And Daughters- by Smile Empty Soul
Topic: Poem
silence in the passenger seat,
such an awesome sign of defeat.
the hand held over my mouth
is not my own.

screaming words in native tongue
coming from the one who won.
shooting me farther
and farther down.

silence is what she hears
because they plugged her bleeding ears.
i have so much to say
but not hardly enough time.

my head has been aching
&&my heart has been breaking.
to carry such a heavy burden
that isn`t even mine.

Fabricated Hope- -Imitated Faith.
Okay, everyone: this poem is from a very hard time in my young life. I definitely was not feeling the Holy Spirit at all...God felt so far away. So please, do not take this the wrong way. I really do believe, it`s just that i need to find God for myself. I actually regret writing this piece. But i am showing it to everyone in order to reveal my mistake. Now why would i do that? Well, these days, a LOT of kids turn away from God. And i was one of those kids. I hope and pray that many of these kids can learn from MY mistake. Because I have. I was going through SO much pain, so much that i thought i couldn`t handle any more. But honestly, when you think about it, you can't have endurance until you have pain. So endure it a little longer and the prize will be waiting for you when you get there. Don`t take my word for it, discover it for yourself.

- - - - - - -

folded my hands,
closed my eyes,
bowed my head,
an realized
that this is pointless
and He doesn`t care,
that i`m speaking to
someone who isn`t there.
i speak to the air
and thank the wind.
i ask completely no one
to forgive my every sin.
if He was there at all,
He`d be here right now.
if He could catch me when i fall,
where was He when i fell down?
I unfolded my hands
and opened my eyes.
shed a tear,
and realized
that i did it again.
i wasted my time.
why did i ever pray?
i guess i`ve lost my mind.
i`m sorry to say
that i don`t believe.
i apologize only because
i have to leave.
i folded my hands
just one last time
to tell No One "good bye"
via meaningless rhyme.

Of Invisible Guns &&Necessary Casualties : :
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: "we Cry Mercy" by Dear Whoever.
Topic: Poem
Prologue:

i left the battlefield only to return to my room. i sat there hating myself, all because of you. looked in the mirror, utterly disgusted. i hate what i see, what i once loved/trusted.

- - -later that day...- - -

"see this thin red line?
it`s my gift to you.
consider it return service
for all you put me through.
you watched me fight back the tears
(the ones that came anyway).
you tried to ignore my tragedy,
but you can`t just walk away.
you said you`d be there
for the worst kind of intervention.
instead i remember everything:
Death By Recollection.
memories flood my mind
and cloud any hint of intuition.
each nightmare came true
with each staged competition.

see this deeper red line?
it`s my gift to myself
here`s my evidence
of my lack of self-confidence.
i could stop this but i won`t
because it will happen again.
dont act like it doesnt hurt you too.
don`t even pretend.
it`s your fault, you stupid peice of hate.
i hate you so much, it`s getting bigger.
i only wish you would DiE"

said the broken heart to the mirror.